Retard Strength

Respectfully, I refuse to stop using the word “retard” as an epithet. If this bothers you, move on. Nothing I can say will matter.

If you think I’m the type of person who calls gay guys and disabled people nasty names, then fuck you, faggot. You don’t know me. Go sit on a rusty rake.

Back to “retard”. Again; no other word works like it. Not even “shithead”, or “asshole”, both of which have the same cadence as “retard” and “faggot”. Heavy wind-up on the first syllable, release of pressure on the second.

If you think you can read minds, and you know people’s subconscious intentions when they use a word, then by all means, go die on that hill. Launch a one-person censorship crusade. Be a pedantic schoolmarm and shame people on social media.

Just expect two things in turn:

1. Nothing will change
2. You will be called a retard.

You wanna stop using a word? Cool. Stop using it. Teach your children not to use it, as best you can. Be happy with that. But if you get on your high horse, and tell people not to do something, you can bet your life savings people will do it twice as much. Just to fuck with you.

Because you showed them how.

You wanna know why I still use “retard”?

• Because I have to deal with grown men who absorb the idiotic political agendas of their overbearing wives, and under the guise of “keeping peace in the home”, they unload their rancor upon me when I dare to question them.
• Because there are grown men who rage on-line against anyone who criticizes their precious Disney movies.
• Because there are review aggregators on-line that have to be tightly controlled and changed to protect those same movies.
• Because there are grown men who think New York City isn’t a dying shithole, and who idolize “AOC” and waste everyone’s time raving about how “hot” she supposedly is.
• Because no other word describes “AOC”. Seriously, if you’re all thirsty and moony-eyed over her, slit your wrists in a bathtub. She’s another politician, and not a good or smart one, virgin.
• Because no other word describes Americans who talk endless shit about America, or their own skin color. (White. Literally no other race or gender denigrates themselves in public more than white men. Wait- did I just do it too? Fuck I’m retarded!)
• Because it hurts “politically correct” people, who are so contemptibly weak that words “hurt” them. Because they want to hurt, so their status as a victim is validated.
• Because some people are cool with on-line censorship and deplatforming, if they disagree with whomever gets the chop.
• Because there are people who bit down on the “Jussie Smollett hoax”. Because they wanted it to be true, to validate their hatred.
• Because there are female Hollywood actors like Alyssa Milano, Ellen Page and Rose MacGowan, who think they can tell us how to live our lives. Because even with all they have, they’re miserable, and it’s somehow our fault.
• Because there are people who still talk positively about Obama and the Clintons.
• Because there are wealthy actors like Tom Lennon who took time out to clown me on Facebook when I rightly suspected that Nathan “Chief Cries Wolf” Phillips was lying about the teenagers he claimed harassed him.
• Because Facebook has to be shut down to control the teeming number of memes making fun of Lori Loughlin for criminally buying her offspring into Ivy League schools.
• Because there are people so fucking stupid that they’ll buy Zuckerberg’s usual excuse that it was “just a glitch”.
• Because the same people who scream for Alex Jones to be destroyed don’t care about the damage done by CNN and the Washington Post in the past four years. Because they act like we watch “FoxNews”, and call that an excuse.
• Because Rachel Maddow has a career.
• Because Maxine Waters currently exists.
• Because Madonna said “let’s blow up the White House”.
• Because there are adults who claim respect for “Lady Gaga”.
• Because there are men who think that because they have a daughter, they’re a bona fide authority on the female gender and can condescend to other men about it.
• Because there are people who think there are more than two genders. Check the “e” on your “COEXIST” bumper sticker. Notice anything binary?

• Because there are people who prefer Disney’s “Star Wars” entries over the Lucas ones. (Believe it or not, they’re out there.)
• Because Minnesota is Mogadishu at this point, and there are Americans who either don’t give a fuck or are already cool with it.
• Because there are naive Americans who go backpacking in hostile nations and are raped and mutilated, as expected by anyone not born yesterday.
• Because there are grown men who think Captain Marvel is some sort of feminist triumph.
• Because there are men who call themselves “male feminists”.
• Because there are women who feel carnal lust for bridges and amusement park rides, and other inanimate objects.
• Because someone let their kid climb into a gorilla’s zoo enclosure.
• Because there are people who will cry harassment and abuse when Wal-Mart asks to check their receipt, as per their policy.

• Because there are people who patronize Wal-Mart in the first place.
• Because there are employees of comic book review websites who know jack shit about comic books, but hey- they know a lot about Rick & Morty. 
• Because there are comic book companies that hire talentless loudmouths that wreck established and beloved properties with their insane agendas, and then play victim and act like the long-time fans are the problem.
• Because there are women who destroy men’s lives with false rape allegations and get away with it.
• Because there are lawyers who profit off the lies of those women.
• Because there are grown people on-line who casually hurl the word “Nazi” around, and then throw a fit over words I use.
• Because there’s no other adjective to describe the “Green New Deal”, if in fact you’ve actually read it. If you support it, you haven’t.
• Because there are women who will read this list and claim all I did was complain about women.
• Because there are people paid to attack you if you say Michael Jackson was a repulsive pedophile rapist.
• Because there are people who support R. Kelly, but consider Louis CK a pervert.
• Because there are people who believe Earth is flat.

That’s a mere fraction of the reasons I use the word retard, and will continue to do so. If you argue with me about it on behalf of an actual disabled person, congrats.

You’re the one calling them retarded.

Actually, you’re worse than that; you think of them as “retarded” in the first place. You’re so certain they’re a retard that you assume other people are eager to call them that too. That’s fucked up, dude.

That’s the reason that neither I nor anyone else can share this article on social media; because there are people so narrow-minded that they presume “retard” means “mentally handicapped person”. They’ll report me to their corporate overlords, get me banned, then cluck about it once I can’t answer back. They’ll “dox” me or “swat” me until I go away for good. Over a word.

That’s retarded.