Tag Archives: Eagles

Joewalshmas is a Poddist tradition, whereupon we cast the lawn chair into the swimming pool, and celebrate all the ways Life has been Good to us So Far. May Joewalshmas bring the Good Life to you and yours for another year.

Twas The Night Of Joewalshmas

Twas the night of Joewalshmas, and we were rockin’ the joint,
with bitches and chicken and Matty on point.
The lightweights were knackered, passed out in their beds
in hopes a drunk Wampus wouldn’t pee on their heads.
With Ma in her leathers, and me in my suit,
we were poppin’ and lockin’ to some old Uncle Luke…
When from up on the roof there arose such a clatter
that I put on my pants, grabbed my gat and my ladder…
With my spliff in my mouth, I climbed up to see
the most funkiest shit since I quit PCP!
Not a Nick, not a Saint, not a jolly fat bitch,
not a yellow-eyed crack fiend with a terminal itch,
Now man this shit’s real and Pimps do not lie,
It was fuckin’ Joe Walsh with a gleam in his eye.
And what to my wondering eyes did appear
but a red Maserati full of groupies and beer.

And Joe, he just smiled, and tossed me a Schlitz,
and said, “Life’s been good to me, man, let’s get on with this shit.”
We dropped down the chim, much to Matty’s surprise,
with a sack full of goodies for the ladies and guys.

There was whiskey and absinthe and K.B. for all,
and adrenaline for Wampus who was slumped on the wall.
Joe brought liquor and dildos and a shitload of cheer,
and the joint was retarded but then Wamp got The Fear…

But Joe Walsh don’t abide his friends feelin’ sick
so he strapped on his guitar and tested a lick…
And it didn’t take much until Wampus was fine,
just the very beginning of “Funk 49”.

And before we all knew it, it was time to go,
but none of us wanted to say bye to Joe…
So all slobbering drunken we begged him to stay
but the Number One Eagle just smiled and said, “Hey…

“There’s no call for sadness, now Wampus, don’t cry,
You know I’m an ordinary, average guy…
“I like big tits, and I like me some beer,
but I really love spreading this Joewalshmas Cheer…

“And if all of the people across this sad earth
would just stop their fighting and enjoy Walshmas mirth…
“Then maybe an end to all war and despair
could just be replaced with hot licks and great hair.”

Then he laughed and he said, “But seriously, folks,
stop killing each other and learn a few jokes.”
Then, fixing his glasses and ruffling his hair,
he winked and then vanished right into thin air!

But then that dope Maserati flew right past my collar,
and a groupie fell out but I still heard Joe holler:
“Have a beer and a smile and treat everyone right!
Good Joewalshmas to all and to all a Good Night!”

And this Pimp, though he’s hard, felt something… a trace
sorta like in the movie when they murder Scarface,
And my chest it did swell with that Joewalshmas cheer…

…Anybody who says I cried is a lyin’ bitch.

HAPPY JOEWALSHMAS, EVERYONE!

–Dread Pirate Iceberg Slim