I have a 100% real, absolutely serious offer for any women in the audience over the age of 18. I assure you; although I am a humorist, this is no joke.
Tag Archives: Hunter S. Thompson
Too Rare To Die
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Filed under Bad Influences, Girls of BIUL, Worst Of All
Led Zeppelin
Continue readingswan song
A final performance, product, or accomplishment before someone or some-thing stops creating work or products, as due to death, retirement, closure
etc. From the ancient belief that swans issue a beautiful song-like sound just before they die.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Don't Know Don't Care, Thousand Listen Club, Unfairly Maligned
Regional Ambiguity
When you listen to a professional newscaster, you are hearing an “all-purpose” American accent, very similar to how black comedians make fun of white guys. It’s a mode of speaking designed to be understood by a wide variety of ages and backgrounds. It’s also totally alien sounding, especially when they lapse into a Spanish voice for words like “Nicaragua”.
Outside of America, accents are seldom a focal point.
In 1990, I relocated from New Jersey to Georgia. Originally, I had a curt New Jersey accent, like Jim Norton. My first year, I roomed with a guy from Rhode Island, and when I went back to Jersey for vacation, my friends couldn’t believe what a horror show my speaking voice had become. I was the caricature of the braying Yankee.
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Filed under Faint Signals, Uncategorized, Worst Of All
Experience vs. Evidence
In the next ten years, the entire experience of seeing a concert will have changed. Forever.
These things and infants are everywhere, and you complain about guns?
Hunter S. Thompson claimed that no Doors recording existed that captured the grandeur of Jim Morrison and company on stage. I believe this, although I never bore witness to the spectacle myself. Regardless, the only real evidence will always be the albums the Doors released. Thompson’s historic experience either died with him, or ended up on the wall behind his office chair. This is, needless to say, unfortunate. Continue reading
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Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Magazine Rack, Nostalgic Obsessions
The Kook Who Sat By The Door
If I could go back in time 20 years, and tell my 24-year-old self that I’d be signing my own comics at Criminal Records in Atlanta’s Little 5 Points, I wouldn’t believe it. Mostly because at 24 I was incredulous about the feasibility of time travel.
Three years ago, in jail, more than one dude told me I looked like Bruno Mars. I don’t see it.
I’ve guested at comic conventions before, but this was Criminal Records. They’ve had an almost mythical status since the 1990s, and their old location (it’s now Stratosphere Skateboards, another local business I highly recommend), which I visited often even before I lived here. It had cartoons drawn on the walls by Skip Williamson, Evan Dorkin and Bob Burden, just to name a few. I want to say Patty Leidy was up there too, but I’m going on memory here. Continue reading
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Filed under Comix Classic & Current, Eatable Things, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Magazine Rack, Uncategorized
Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 2016
Last month, I kidded a friend that 2016 is The Year Everyone Died Or Sold Out. I figured if I joked about it, it might stop being true. Even though I am well acquainted with Fear and Loathing, this was the point where everyone else got acquainted with them too.
Even I wasn’t mentally prepared for the comedians caving in. That was the final straw for me on social media: well-known comedians abusing their influence by endorsing presidential candidates. Try to conjure an image of George Carlin backing Richard Nixon. You can’t, because Carlin was a brilliant mind with integrity. Entertainers publicly endorse a candidate because their corporate masters told them to, and the ones that do are whores. Straight up. Continue reading
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Filed under Don't Know Don't Care, Uncategorized, Worst Of All
Mannish Boy
Every so often, somebody inquires as to why the hell I call myself Matty Boy.
To which I affect my terrible Billy Bob Thornton impersonation, and reply, “would you ask Sonny Boy Williamson that?”
“Are you fucking with me?”
Since I’m referencing a radio debacle from years ago between Thornton and the guy from Moxy Fruvous, I receive blank looks in return. So let me clear the air a bit.
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Hearts Are Trump
Gonzo journalism is a style of journalism that is written without claims of objectivity, often including the reporter as part of the story via a first-person narrative. The word “gonzo” is believed to have been first used in 1970 to describe an article by Hunter S. Thompson, who later popularized the style.
So last weekend I was about a hundred feet from Donald Trump.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All
Acid Reflux
I think enough time has passed for me to admit that in the 1990s, I dropped a lot of acid.
I think I’m comfortable admitting this now for two reasons; one, LSD-25 is about as easy to get as quaaludes (which is to say not very), and two, I might as well have said I did a lot of quaaludes in my opening statement. The average person under 40 has no earthly idea what I’m talking about anyway.
I don’t know if I’m making much sense- I used to do a lot of acid- but my point is this. Acid is not for you. Here’s why. Continue reading
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