Permit me to bring the room down a moment.
What’s your endgame?
What’s your purpose in life? Are you even aware of one? Are you just running on automatic, going with the flow? Nothing wrong with that, but it all leads to the same big faceless wash-out.
What do you really want out of life?
Comments Off on The End of the Line
Filed under Comix Classic & Current, Magazine Rack, Nostalgic Obsessions
Long ago, in the Before Times, I was dating a woman with a very young daughter. I had not yet gelled as an artistic entity, and was in the process of learning that I’m really not cut out to be a father, even a surrogate one. This became apparent on two occasions. Both were attempts on my part to make a connection with a kid. Both failed hilariously.
The first was the purchase of a “children’s book”. I spent hours at Books-A-Million (down the block from Media Play) hunting for just the right one. It had to be colorful, clever, and not condescending. I refused to buy anything “kiddie”, on principle. It had to be something that enticed, thrilled, and sparked the imagination, like the books I read in my grade school library.
Comments Off on PaRappa the Crapper
Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Girls of BIUL, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions, Robot Toy Fetish, Thousand Listen Club
WARNING! WARNING! WEIRD AREA AHEAD!
The closest I ever got to molested was when I was eighteen.
(Art: Dave Gibbons)
I was walking to Fair Lawn late at night, to cause trouble. I was thinking about Rorschach, the masked psychopath from Watchmen. An overweight creep with glasses stuck a tiny knife in my back, herded me behind a border of hedges, and tried to force me down on the ground.
Comments Off on Pet Ophelia
Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Faint Signals, Worst Of All
avuncular (adj.); of or relating to an uncle.
That’s right. There’s a word for that.
Uncle Fester (Jackie Coogan)
That means there’s a behavior paradigm necessitating a descriptive adjective. A better term than “uncle-like”, which is hard to say.
Avuncular.
Comments Off on Avuncular Nation
Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Podcastery, Thousand Listen Club
When you listen to a professional newscaster, you are hearing an “all-purpose” American accent, very similar to how black comedians make fun of white guys. It’s a mode of speaking designed to be understood by a wide variety of ages and backgrounds. It’s also totally alien sounding, especially when they lapse into a Spanish voice for words like “Nicaragua”.
Outside of America, accents are seldom a focal point.
In 1990, I relocated from New Jersey to Georgia. Originally, I had a curt New Jersey accent, like Jim Norton. My first year, I roomed with a guy from Rhode Island, and when I went back to Jersey for vacation, my friends couldn’t believe what a horror show my speaking voice had become. I was the caricature of the braying Yankee.
Comments Off on Regional Ambiguity
Filed under Faint Signals, Uncategorized, Worst Of All
From BIUL III.
Comments Off on “Mercy”
Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Girls of BIUL, Magazine Rack, Nostalgic Obsessions
I strive to be fair in my work, I really do. Except for when I don’t, and I’m not.
Meaning, there’s a handful of musical acts for which I have no love. All I have for them is contempt, which I lamely try to carve into humor. It’s best that I come clean about it, to put an end to wondering why I don’t mention some bands at all. Ever.
I don’t want to know how many times it’s been tattooed. I assume a lot.
Comments Off on A Snowball’s Chance In Hell
Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All
From BIUL II. It’s actually stuck on the file cabinet now.
Comments Off on The Bumper Sticker
Filed under Comix Classic & Current, Magazine Rack
In the next ten years, the entire experience of seeing a concert will have changed. Forever.
These things and infants are everywhere, and you complain about guns?
Hunter S. Thompson claimed that no Doors recording existed that captured the grandeur of Jim Morrison and company on stage. I believe this, although I never bore witness to the spectacle myself. Regardless, the only real evidence will always be the albums the Doors released. Thompson’s historic experience either died with him, or ended up on the wall behind his office chair. This is, needless to say, unfortunate. Continue reading
Comments Off on Experience vs. Evidence
Filed under Bad Influences, Comix Classic & Current, Faint Signals, Magazine Rack, Nostalgic Obsessions
Somehow, in 1987, I convinced my father to drive me to a joke shop in Paterson, New Jersey.
In the back, there’s a kiddie pool. JOKES, PEOPLE! JOKES!
The name of the place escapes me; it was unremarkable, something like “[X] Joke & Novelty”. Three years later, hunting for liquor and without proper ID, my friends and I were chased away from this very same area by a man swinging a chain over his head. Alongside Newark and Camden, Paterson is one of Jersey’s finest hellholes.
So getting my dad to drive me out there for gag items was quite the coup. I wanted a realistic fake faucet that could be attached to the forehead. I got much, much more. Continue reading
Comments Off on The Joke Shop
Filed under Bad Influences, Faint Signals, Idiot's Delight, Nostalgic Obsessions
BIG BOOK OF COMICS (SIGNED)
Original price was: $15.00.$10.00Current price is: $10.00.
You must be logged in to post a comment.