Last night, as I returned to my apartment from the laundry, I heard a great rustle in the trees that formed the property buffer. Instinctively, I looked up to the spot where the leaves shook in the darkness, and saw the responsible party.
Tag Archives: old internet
The Cautionary Tales
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Podcastery, Site Stuff, Worst Of All
Get Off My Internet
It’s now been ten years. Even an idiot can see the experiment has failed. The cause of the failure?
Children and stupid people got onto the Internet.
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Filed under Bad Influences, Don't Know Don't Care, Idiot's Delight, Worst Of All
I Am Better Than Maddox
Folks, I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but-
https://youtu.be/ffG4MhiTClA
In case you haven’t been steeped in Internet culture for most of your life, let me explain. Cast your mind back to the year 2004 B.F. (Before Facebook). A leap year.
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Why Literally None Of It Matters
Possibly the greatest blessing of my childhood is that I was bullied almost non-stop for its duration.
How could that be a blessing? It prepared me for a lifelong career on the Internet, that’s how.
If you expect other people to make fun of you, regardless of what you say, you’ll do fine on the web. Because they will. No matter who you are.
How about a riddle?
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Zuckerberg’s Guinea Pig
On the first of May, 2018, sometime about a half-hour before noon, a bar appeared underneath every post on the social networking site Facebook.
I had awakened earlier, in a panic attack, and been scrolling my “newsfeed” in a wrongheaded attempt to relieve my state of depressive shock. Believe it or not, sometimes it works. I find pictures of kitties, or baby hedgehogs, or pretty girls with their whatnots hanging out. Maybe an inspiring story or a naughty bit of humor. I feel better, and get on with the tasks of the day.
But this new snitch bar made things way, way worse.
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Bully For You
Here is a foolproof, ironclad, never-fail method to keep your kids from being bullied. Ready? This is worth a million dollars. Here it comes.
DON’T HAVE KIDS.
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On The Turning Away
It’s time for us, as a species, to make a healthy admission.
The world we knew and loved, just years ago, is dead. It’s gone. It’s never coming back. Not even as a side mission in a GTA game. Now we are left with the nagging sensation that things were once better. It’s too painful to consider the reasons why. Hold on to the memory, and carry on.
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Digital Diaspora
diaspora: a scattered population with a common origin in a smaller geographic locale. Diaspora can also refer to the movement of the population from its original homeland.
There’s a chance, being that you are using the Internet, that you are experiencing an intangible emptiness, a desire to fulfill a need you didn’t know you had.
You are far from alone. This is normal.
Spoiler: they hatefuck.
Many of us used the Internet around the year 2000 because it supplied things we couldn’t find elsewhere. Easy and plentiful pornography, hurtful humor, forums and blogs brimming with lolcows; all the schadenfreude one could stand.
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Your Emotions (Make You A Monster)
How can you tell when someone doesn’t belong on the Internet?
They get emotional.
There is no place for emotions on the Internet. Emotions are a weakness here. They’re reduced to “emoticons”; literal badges that display the current weakness of the user. This makes it easy to spot people who struggle with manic depression, bipolarity, or hypochondria.
The Autabyss.
Whether you noticed it or not, true anonymity has been eradicated from social media. You cannot post anonymously. Remember when you could? Of course you do- it was less than ten fucking years ago.
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Blocklisting
Facebook and Twitter have a very appealing form of casual censorship; if you have a difference of opinion with another user, you can block them.
Did someone infer that Islam is dangerous? Make them disappear. Is “Black Lives Matter” not being treated with the utmost solemnity and reverence? Bye-bye. No need to empathize or try to understand a different point of view; it’s better to treat opposing ideas as annoyances, to be clinically expunged.
I’m not warning you against social media, I’m saying see it for what it is; a method of grouping people by their beliefs and predilections, so they can be monitored and controlled. By companies, government, and people who have more money. That’s all the Internet is anymore. It’s not about sharing information. It’s about controlling who sees it. Continue reading
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