Roughly every day, I search YouTube for a decent copy of what I consider The Funniest Song I’ve Ever Heard. I like to hear it often, but this is difficult, as the title of the song is “sensitive” these days, and it’s hard to pin down as a result. However, I believe it’s worth the effort.
When I listen to the song I invariably get the urge to share it with everyone. Alas, this is a touchy subject, as the title requires explaining. On the surface, the song is a man lampooning his friend as an insatiably homosexual fiend, presumably to gall him. Beneath this is a story of empowerment and acceptance.
Voody doody doo, hah
Look what I can do
I sit on a cock
Or fuckin’ twoWOODY WOW!
My ass is ready tonight
So rape it
I won’t put up a fightI’m delicious to fuck, ohh
On a man’s dick I’ll suck
Mark my name as Rake
For goodness sake
I’ll rape your ass everyday
And eat a cheese steak
If you’re at all familiar with the Jackass cadre, particularly its Pennsylvania chapter, you know this as the work of Gnarkill; ergo the skate-punk band CKY, fronted by madman Brandon DiCamillo. DiCamillo is goofing on Rake Yohn, the “hulking human hairball” who kicked a crater in Bam Margera’s Audi after being splashed with mustard. Yohn has a psychotic aversion to the stuff, to put it mildly, and he looks like a berserker. Picturing him as a jubilant and unrepentant raper of man-ass is the height of hilarity.
Pictured: Rake Yohn. (2000)
It’s been noted that DiCamillo mostly performs for his friends, which I interpret as an admission of his motives. He is the quintessential dude that only lives to crack up his buddies. There’s no other reason to “go for it”. That’s why nearly every inch of his footage is gold. He’s the crew’s comedy carpet-bomb.
I imagine that CKY cooked up a ripping studio track (Deron Miller and Chad Ginsburg do great guitar work), and DiCamillo grabbed a mic and went bugfuck improvising lyrics, to crack everyone up. The best line, without question, comes next.
Watch me at the Family Fun Center
I’m in a Slip-‘N’-SlideI’M NAKED AS SHIT
AND I’M SLIDIN’ INSIDE
TEN MOTHERFUCKERS WITH A DICK
TEN FEET WIDE
My friends, that is a power mantra. Regardless of age, gender, or sexual orientation, everyone longs to proclaim they are naked as shit with a ten-foot-wide dick, while rushing through a Slip-‘N’-Slide. Meditate on this, as I do, and you shall only grow in power.
Some lyrics are difficult to parse, which lends credence to my theory that they were extemporaneous. Then the rhythm guitar shifts, and DiCamillo shifts right along with it.
Watch me fuck all slow; romantic
There’s no need to panic
I see a man, I squat on his ass
And fuck it so fast
Like a tasty sea bass
Not long after that the song abruptly ends with this couplet;
I meant to say
Fuck me tonight
If you’re a man
My ass ain’t tight
As you can see, I find this tune funny enough to pontificate about it for this long. It’s a throwback to the days before 9/11, oversensitivity, and Ryan Dunn’s accident. It’s like having a buddy who will stop at nothing to make you laugh.
It’s not a good idea to share it on Facebook.
https://youtu.be/npeQBWrHIrc
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